Nearly everyone feels anxious from time to time. Some even use that feeling as motivation and work best when under pressure. That feeling of panic drives them to the finish line of a project, deadline, or goal. However, when this feeling happens for some of us it does the opposite. It paralyzes. Those who deal with chronic anxiety don’t feel it all the same. Some have mild constant anxiety, some will have strong panic attacks. And everyone has their own way of dealing with their anxiety.
My story with anxiety begins as I entered my teenage years. It probably started before then, but that is as far back as I can remember having anxiety. I remember not being able to pass in any class work first or if I was done with a test you better believe that I was going to wait until someone else passed theirs in. I thought that if I passed in my work first that I would fail. (looking back at it now obviously that wasn't going to happen but you bet your ass I believed it) Then came college, I still couldn't pass in work first and I started being cyber bullied by my roommate at the time. It was through a program that lets you talk to people anonymously. So I had anxiety and now I'm being bullied (again) great. I felt like ai had to be strong and pretend that it didn't bother me, and that pushing it down was better than actually talking about it. Fast forward to being in the first actual relationship that actually mattered to me. We moved in together and I had never lived on my own before. I didn't even have enough money for gas or to register my car. My mim (grandmother) paid for my registration and my mom gave me gas money. The anxiety I felt about talking to them about it and asking for the money was insane. As I'm writing this I am starting to feel those anxious feelings again. Fast forward to present day when my depression is more than my anxiety. Don't get me wrong, I still get anxious like a lot. But my anxiety pales in comparison to my depression, at least right now.
I recently attended an outpatient program for anxiety and depression and I would like to share some of the things that I learned there about how to deal with anxiety and depression. Depression will be a seperate post.
When you feel anxious: When you start feeling anxious it is important that make yourself a priority. Don’t let yourself hang out in this place for long if you can help it, because it could turn to a panic attack and even if it doesn’t it just feels awful and has a profound negative affect on your health. Find what works for you when you feel like this. If you are looking for ways to deal with anxiety when the feeling hits you here are some ideas to try:
Make lists. Make a list of what is wrong. Are you overwhelmed with housework? Issues at work? Kids? Social stuff? List out everything that you can think of. Then write next to each item if this is in your control or not and what you can do about it if it is. For myself, and many people who I speak to, taking action helps. If I have an action plan I feel less anxious. I am a person craves a solutions. If you are as well then doing this could very well make you feel empowered and in control and offer you the solutions you need.
Write: Journaling has single handedly saved many lives, in my opinion. Many people don’t understand what they are feeling or thinking till they spill it out on paper or in word document. My best recommendation for dealing with that anxious feeling through writing is steam line consciousness writing. This is when you write everything that comes to mind without editing, censoring, overthinking. This is scary if you want to hide stuff…sometimes the truth is hurtful to others. It is scary. Know that your journal is just for you and it is your safe place. If you are still afraid of your privacy being invaded, know that you can delete the document, or ripe a part the paper you wrote on after the fact. If you think this method will work for you in mapping our your anxiety, then it is vital that you feel safe to put your thoughts and words out into this world. Create a space to do this that works for you then then those words out.
Talking: Just like with writing, we often don’t know what’s going on till we talk about it. Many people feel very uncomfortable talking about their feelings and won’t unless it is with a very specific person. Don’t force yourself to talk if this is not something that doesn’t work for you, but if you think it might find someone you can trust to spill yourself with. Someone who can don’t worry about miss speaking to, who won’t take offense, who understands you and the feelings you are having…and if they don’t understand are at least will to be someone who can be there for you to speak to and work out how you feel.
Therapy works for many many people. There are so many types of therapy that is worth trying therapy and seeing what works for you. Personally, I found that that Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is what worked best for me and it was something I could use on my own as well. It went along with my personality type of “fixing what is wrong and finding solutions”. It is a type of therapy that requires taking action not just talking. It took me years to find that this worked for me and once I did it changed the game for me. So do your research and talk to people and figure out if therapy will work for you and what kind. And it is ok if therapy isn’t helpful, but if you haven’t already give it a honest shot.
Coloring: Basically just a fun way to distract you. any healthy distractions are good.
Self Soothing: You can also use your five sense to self soothe.
Vision: go to a museum and look at the beautiful art, buy yourself some flowers, go outside and make sure to pay attention to the trees and flowers outside (if the season is right.) Go to the library and look at a book with beautiful pictures in it (I recommend something with castles or travel books)
Hearing: Listel to soothing music, be mindful of any sounds that come your way.
Smell: Wear your favorite perfume or lotion, light a scented candle, bake something, walk outside in a wooded area and be mindful of the smells around you.
Taste: Make your favorite meal, have a delicious drink such as herbal tea or hot cocoa, get yourself an ice cream or your favorite dessert, chew gum or pop a mint, really taste the food you eat and the drinks you consume.
Touch: Take a bath, pet an animal, get a massage, soak your feet, put clean sheets on the bed, ect.
Also remember that a feeling only lasts 90 seconds if you don't make a story out of it. (by making a story I mean, saying that "I always am going to be anxious" or "I will never live without anxiety" or "I am my anxiety") so if you can feel that anxious feeling for 90 seconds, it will pass. Just acknowledge that the feeling is there and say "oh hi anxiety, guess what I'm not going to let you ruin my day. Move along." and it will pass.
When a panic attack hits: When in the grip of a panic attack it feels like you are going to die, that it won't end, that you are at the mercy of a situation that will surely cause you harm. It is a feeling that I struggle to find the words to explain accurately to those who don’t know the feeling personal experience. I have only found two really helpful pieces of advice that worked for me when I would have my attacks. There is so many tips you can find to help you through an attack, but it can be hard to not only remember, but to believe things you are told when you are in the middle of an attack.
An average attack peaks within 10 min: This means that it then starts to dwindle down after. I am not saying that a panic attack as a time limit, but it is rare that they last for a prolonged time. This is helpful to tell yourself when you are caught I the grip of a full blown attack…if you are able to tell yourself that. Knowing that it won’t last long and that you will once again reach a point where you can control your breathing can help in the moment.
Let it happen then let yourself heal: Don’t fight it off and don’t fight it when you are in it. Let the attack roll and let your emotions happen.
If you are struggling with anything, or in a crisis, please reach out to a crisis line.
National Suicide Prevention: 1-800-273-8255
As always check your energy before commenting.
If you need to reach out, I am here always at 93stardustproject@gmail.com
Love,
K
